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Thread: Ask Dr. Genius

  1. #1
    The Original Mexican Bob JFitzGenius's Avatar
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    Ask Dr. Genius

    Hey, kids, want to help out with the next Genius Guide to Jazz column? Submit your question for AAJ's resident lunatic savant via this thread and see it answered in the March Guide.

    Jazz, baseball, beer, movies, pebble-bed modular nuclear reactors; get the answers from a licensed*, practicing Genius.

    * licensed by the Virginia Department of Genius and Inland Fisheries, permit on file.
    "We are here and it is now. Beyond that, all human knowledge is moonshine." H.L. Mencken

  2. #2
    Registered User It Should be You's Avatar
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    Mr. Peabody,

    Which major league baseball team improved themselves the most this off season by trades and free agent signings?

    And, on a related note, was Saddam wearing boxers or briefs when he was captured? Just working on my possible wardrobe malfunctions to come...

    Sherman
    ...but by and by the Widow Douglas let it out that Moses had been dead a considerable long time; so then I didn't care no more about him, because I don't take no stock in dead people. -- Huckleberry Finn

  3. #3
    tulip or turnip? shawn·m's Avatar
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    · What happened to Pop’s vintage porn collection after he passed?

    · Is Gabriel now playing second horn in Heaven?

    · What about the story of a historical figure knifing the buttocks of his employer? The anecdote is attributed to different individuals; some say it was Gillespie and Cab Calloway, others say it was Ben Webster and Ellington. Was it really Stephanopoulos and Hillary Clinton?

    · Theory says a black hole will result when gravity becomes stronger than a neutron’s ability to maintain integrity. With no other barrier to resist gravity’s pressure, matter is crushed out of existence. But isn’t there another limit before a black hole forms? What about quarks (with all their flavors)? And can this theory be applied to jazz at major labels?

  4. #4
    Registered User It Should be You's Avatar
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    Originally posted by shawn-m
    Theory says a black hole will result when gravity becomes stronger than a neutron’s ability to maintain integrity. With no other barrier to resist gravity’s pressure, matter is crushed out of existence. But isn’t there another limit before a black hole forms? What about quarks (with all their flavors)? And can this theory be applied to jazz at major labels?
    If I may jump in here, I would say the answer is your nearest highway divided by pi, but you must not be listening to Kind of Blue closely enough if you had to ask.
    ...but by and by the Widow Douglas let it out that Moses had been dead a considerable long time; so then I didn't care no more about him, because I don't take no stock in dead people. -- Huckleberry Finn

  5. #5
    Kara
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    Older men

    I am a 35 year old woman and have been seeing a 39 year old man who is recently divorced. Why would someone his age feel as though sex is too much work? He said that sex does not interest him like it did when he was younger. When we're together, I start it, he jumps on, and in 30 seconds it’s over. He has no problem getting turned on, or maintaining an erection. Though it seems he would rather read a book or listen to jazz than have sex. Please help.

  6. #6
    tulip or turnip? shawn·m's Avatar
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    See, now, Should Be You, you’ve sparked another round of questions: It’s often said that there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but aren’t questions, by definition, stupid? Are rhetorical questions the exception proving the rule?

  7. #7
    Registered User It Should be You's Avatar
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    Re: Older men

    Originally posted by Kara
    I am a 35 year old woman and have been seeing a 39 year old man who is recently divorced. Why would someone his age feel as though sex is too much work? He said that sex does not interest him like it did when he was younger. When we're together, I start it, he jumps on, and in 30 seconds it’s over. He has no problem getting turned on, or maintaining an erection. Though it seems he would rather read a book or listen to jazz than have sex. Please help.
    Kara,

    You have come to the right place! I think the answer to this one is also your nearest highway divided by pi. I mean that in a nice way. Happy Valentine's Day!

    Send photo please,

    ISBY
    ...but by and by the Widow Douglas let it out that Moses had been dead a considerable long time; so then I didn't care no more about him, because I don't take no stock in dead people. -- Huckleberry Finn

  8. #8
    tulip or turnip? shawn·m's Avatar
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    Kara,

    A relatively new theory posits gravity as ironically fueling the universe’s continual expansion. It makes equal sense to apply this theory to the sexual appetites of older men. Over time, a man’s virility diminishes as his Schwarzschild radius of experience expands. Where does his libido go? Well, in accordance with the laws of thermodynamics, libido is neither created or destroyed, but rather is mysteriously channeled (like gravity and the universe’s expansion) to younger men.

    Go see that scamp bagging groceries if you don’t believe me.

    Shame –not entirely dissimilar to “Shawn” – on me for stealing the fun right out from under Fitzgenius.

  9. #9
    tulip or turnip? shawn·m's Avatar
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    · What is it about jazz that it should turn otherwise mild-mannered listeners into seething cauldrons of passion and articulate sayers… of things?

  10. #10
    AAJ's Spammer Exterminator Tenorman's Avatar
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    Kara

    Try the rhythm method.

    Put on Benny Goodman's Sing Sing Sing - it lasts for 6 or 7 minutes and that drum beat is very insistent. There is even a quieter bit in the middle to allow for getting the breath back without losing the beat altogether

  11. #11
    The Original Mexican Bob JFitzGenius's Avatar
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    Steering this thread back onto the road, I repeat my welcome to all questions you'd like answered by Your Own Personal Genius.
    "We are here and it is now. Beyond that, all human knowledge is moonshine." H.L. Mencken

  12. #12
    AAJ's Spammer Exterminator Tenorman's Avatar
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    You mean -- those weren't the types of question you wanted?

  13. #13
    Registered User Saundra Hummer's Avatar
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    A "Southern Gentleman?" Down to the drawl???
    Sandi from Hermosa Beach

  14. #14
    tulip or turnip? shawn·m's Avatar
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    No less fun, but on a more serious note:

    Jazz reached its peak of general interest during the swing era. While I’m certain some saw Lester Young (for example) at the time as an artist instead of someone who simply provided entertainment, wasn’t swing’s popularity boosted and sustained by its value as entertainment?

    In this way, could it be said that rock, country, rap and smooth jazz have more in common with “jazz” than, say, bebop, hard bop or the avant-garde? Could it also be said that jazz forms following swing missed the point when they failed to communicate on a larger scale? Or was swing, as some traditionalists seemed to believe, an aberrant form of jazz? Was swing the pinnacle of jazz’s stylistic sellouts?

  15. #15
    AAJ's Barrel Roller xricci's Avatar
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    I know there's another thread out there regarding what to "geniusize" next. Here is the current list of topics that have already been examined...

    All About Jazz (the website)
    Charles Mingus
    Drummers & Bass Players
    Duke Ellington
    How to influence people to jazz
    How to make jazz more popular
    Jazz History, Part 1 & 2
    John Coltrane
    Keith Jarrett
    Ken Burns
    Louis Armstrong
    Miles Davis
    Ornette Coleman
    Pat Metheny
    Piano Players
    Romance
    Saxophone Players
    Thelonious Monk
    Trumpet Players
    Wynton Marsalis

    * * * * * *

    A few suggestions for future profiles: Sun Ra, Art Blakey, Wayne Shorter, Dave Brubeck, the "Philadelphia Phenomenon", and "meet the jazz fan".

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